If I Could Turn Back Time
by SavvySnape
Summary: Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R
1. Plot and The Mirror of Erised

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

**Author:**** savannahsaysfxck **

**Character Pairings:**** Severus Snape/ Lily Evans-Potter**

**Disclaimer:**** The author of the Harry Potter series is JK Rowling. Though I dream of being this wonderful women, I'm not. Though this fan fiction I can claim as mine. But all the characters do go to Ms. Rowling. **

**Summary:**

**Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R&R**

**Plot (READ THIS FIRST):**

**Due to the fact that the plot line gets tampered with eventually, I felt the need to thoroughly explain everything leading up to where we're at now. It takes place during Half Blood Prince. And also to give you the feel of Severus, and his true feelings, so you can understand him more during the story.**

**Severus Snape is bitter. Early in life he fell in love with Lily Evans. One day while James and his posse were teasing him, and Lily gave him pity that only made him madder, he destroyed their friendship. With him falling closer and closer to the dark arts, he only lost her even further. **

**He was out of Hogwarts and a death eater for the Dark Lord, and well aware his love was not only married to his enemy James Potter, but had birthed his child, Harry James Potter. But all of the acidic hate in his stomach vanished quickly when in a Death Eater meeting, he realized the prophecy he heard related to Lily's son, and the Dark Lord was out to kill her and her family. Thats when he began his double spying for the light side-Dumbledore's side- so that Dumbledore would protect Lily. His acid returned, along with a never ending bitterness when he was informed of Lily's death, along with her husband's, but her son survived. **

**Now the only way he can prove that he truly loved his best friend Lily Evans, is to make sure her boy is safe, and to love him as if he is his own son. But he must always love from afar. If he has too many friendly memories of the child, the Dark Lord would definitely see them, and would put an end to his already miserable life. He did the only thing he could do and became what Hogwarts needed him to be, a Potions Master. So he would, for Lily. Even though he would be a much better professor at Defense Against the Dark Arts, though Dumbledore didn't trust him as much to let him hold that position.**

**He spent eleven years in a dark, thick fog, that made him always feel asleep, and always try to block off the thoughts of his love, until Harry James Potter walked into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, his eyes the precise shape and emerald green as Lily Evans-Potter's eyes, and the barrier he kept around those thoughts shattered. And he felt every surge of pain flow through his veins, and for the first time since her death, he heard her name in his mind. _Lily, Lily, Lily, LILY! _**

**Severus could never be in fog now, having to constantly watch the child, to make sure he was always safe, though the boy never tried to help his work. **

**Five years after Harry Potter started attending Hogwarts, Severus Snape still thoroughly loved Lily Evans-Potter with all of his heart, and every free moment he thought of her. But with the return of Harry Potter to the wizard world, came a habit of Severus's. Every night after dinner, he would sneak off to the Mirror of Erised and watch Lily for hours. She would tell him how sorry she was, how she still cared for him. This mirror was the only thing he could confess his feelings to, his anger, remorse, and love. This is where our story begins.**

Severus Snape stood from the staff table at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after dinner. He had just eaten his share and left his dishes to the house elves to take care of. He had to eat fast to make sure he left before any teachers could follow him to his one and only salvation in this painful life he lead, and to make sure no certain brat got curious either. Making sure that the Potter boy was focused on the fact that Granger and the Weasley boy were in another argument, he took his leave quickly.

At this point, his mind was somewhere else, he was so used to taking this course that he no longer needed to stop and think. His feet carried him willingly and his mind only came back into focus when he closed, put on a locking charm, and a silencing spell to the door that lead to the room that held the Mirror of Erised. This certain mirror was very mysterious, mostly everyone saw something different. Though many men would look into the mirror and see themselves as rich and powerful, whenever he looked into the mirror, where his dark eyes would look back at him if it were any normal mirror, he instead saw the bright emerald green eyes of Lily Evans. She smiled at him warmly, the same way she did every night, and he felt his heart melt.

Things mostly went as usual; he would stare at her for a straight five minutes, taking in her beauty, then would tell her about his hard days, about the recent Death Eater meetings, about how her son, Harry, was doing in class and how annoying he gets, but that he really doesn't mind it as much as he lets on, and it would always move to how much he would miss her and longed for her. He had grown so attached to the mirror, because it was his only outlet. The only place he could let his emotions out, truthfully, and where he could gaze at the only women he had ever loved. At the point where he would fall into depression again, and countlessly apologizing for not finding some way to save her, and for their falling out in school and how he would change it if he could, she would just nod and tell him that it was okay and she forgave him. But tonight was different.

As Severus was sitting on the stone floor, head in his hands, he heard her voice again, but it wasn't the normal comforting words. Being that the mirror showed him his desires, it normally showed Lily, before she was married, and telling him that she missed him and that she forgave him. Something in his subconscious must have desired something completely different.

"Severus," she spoke softly, causing him to lift his head in shock, "its time."

"Time?" he whispered, confused, "Time for what?"

"Its time you let me go, Severus. I'm gone now, and if you keep losing yourself to depression because I can't be here, you'll never be happy. But you do have a choice."

"A choice?! A choice in what?! Whether I live or die? Because thats really all up to whether the fact I go to your murderer about once a month and lie to him about the condition your son is in and how soon he can get to him to kill him! Thats the only thing I live for, Lily! I used to live and breathe only for you! And even now that you're gone, I'm putting my neck on the line every night for yours and my enemy's son! Now tell me what choice I have in being happy without dying!" Severus screamed, enraged to the fact that even his subconscious believed he might somehow be happy.

Lily's image sighed, and gave him a minute to breathe.

"Let go of your love for me, Severus. There is someone else out there, someone that has shown interest, someone you're interested in, and the only thing holding you back from them is my memory. Don't come back to the mirror anymore. You need to let go. You will only get more lost into darkness and bitterness if you continue to come here every night. If there is one more thing I ever ask you to do for me, its to be happy. Laugh again, love again." she spoke delicately, seemingly afraid that the mirror that held her would explode if she angered him again. A single tear rolled down both of their faces as Severus made up his mind.

"I love you, Lily. I always have, and I always will. No matter who is making me happy, no one could make me happy like you could. I will continue to watch after your son, and protect him as if he were my own, and I will do everything in my power to insure his safety. But tonight will be the last night I see you." Lily Evans' image nodded at him, in understanding. With that, Severus Snape walked back to the door, undoing the locking charm, and looked back at the mirror.

"A part of me will always belong to you Lily, dead or alive."

The silencing spell was then taken off of the room, and he strode back to his personal quarters. Every time his meetings with Lily ended painfully, he would take a few shots of fire whiskey and crawl into his bed, in an emotional mess. This time when he left Lily, he was nearly as broken as he was when he realized she was on the Dark Lord's death list.

That night Severus Snape crawled into his four poster bed, wrapping himself in the green silk sheets that he would always spray Lily's perfume on, as only the shell of a man. This would be the very last time he would sleep inhaling the sweet smell of amber, that used to linger on his robes from the smell of Lily's soft auburn hair.

**A/N**

**So there it is, the first chapter and the plot. Sorry it went a little long. I have a lot of stuff going on lately, and I've been distracted from fan fiction, but this idea came to me suddenly last night, and I stopped what I was doing (which was designing my shirt for the Breaking Dawn release for this Friday..) and writing out a thick plot, and a couple of chapter outlines. But I do have the epilogue finished, so I know where this story leads up. I shouldn't be incredibly long unless I come up with some pretty rad fillers. Constructive criticism is always more than welcome.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Next chapter on its way up soon!**

**Love to you all,**

**Savy.**


	2. Hangovers and KnowItAlls

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

**Author:**** savannahsaysfxck **

**Character Pairings:**** Severus Snape/ Lily Evans-Potter Severus Snape/ Hermione Granger  
**

**Disclaimer:**** The author of the Harry Potter series is JK Rowling. Though I dream of being this wonderful women, I'm not. Though this fan fiction I can claim as mine. But all the characters do go to Ms. Rowling. **

**Summary:**

**Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R&R**

**A/N**

**Okay guys, as you see in the "Character Pairings" at the top, theres a new set listed. Don't hate me for it. And no, this is not a Sevvie/Hermie fan fic, and it won't be turning into one, I assure you. So don't stop reading it because you think thats the route its taking. **

**Chapter Two**

Severus woke that morning feeling like he had been run over by a heard of hipogriffs. Trying his best not to empty his stomach on the wooden floors, he stumbled to his liquor cabinet, quickly taking out the last hang over potion. He would have to make a mental note to brew more. Running his hands through his shoulder length dark hair, he waited for a few moments until his stomach eased and his head stopped throbbing until he walked, more gracefully this time, to the small kitchen attached to his personal quarters, deciding against going to breakfast. Simply going with eggs and bacon, since his potion was the last left from his previous brew, it might be weaker and he didn't want to have too much on his stomach.

_This will be difficult, to say the least._

He thought to himself while taking a sip of his black coffee. It took him years to build mental barriers to keep her out, and now it will be damn near impossible with her kid wandering around getting into more trouble than a grown man had ever gotten himself into in a lifetime. Refilling his dark green mug once more before dressing and returning to the annoying little brats that were his students.

The students were already working on a Boil Cure potion, so he wouldn't have to worry about going through the lesson. Just making sure that nothing exploded. But he would have to do grading tonight, for some anyway. Today was the set date to have the potion finished, if you didn't have to restart that is. He knew that no one would get it right, so he would be, mostly, work free tonight.

He billowed in the dungeon classroom, making every head turn, and every mouth close, just like every morning. He sat at his desk and reminded the pupils that today was the set date and if they turned their potion in any later than tomorrow, he would take points. With that said, every head was hovering over a cauldron or a text book.

Most of the period he spent mildly observing the potions. Longbottom's potion, as always, failed. This time due to adding in the porcupine quills before the cauldron was taken off the fire. The failed potion filled the room with a horrid smelling green smoke, until Severus made his potion disappear. The only other times he looked up, he saw Granger sending him odd glances. When he raised his brow, bringing it to her attention that he caught her glance, she looked down immediately and he didn't notice anything after that.

The rest of the class time was spent going over Lily's words in his head.

"_Its time you let me go, Severus. I'm gone now, and if you keep losing yourself to depression because I can't be here, you'll never be happy. But you do have a choice."_

"_There is someone else out there, someone that has shown interest, someone you're interested in, and the only thing holding you back from them is my memory."_

What could she possibly mean? There is no choice, and no one would catch his eye, nor he theres. Who would possibly be interested in him? He showed everyone and everything, except the Mirror of Erised which held his desire of Lily, pure coldness. He heard a chime, symboling the end of the period.

Students put away their potions, and he was looking down at the desk when he heard the door finally shut. He closed his eyes, and lowered his forehead to the desk.

"Sir, are you alright?" he heard a female ask, worry coating her voice. He shot his head up, and saw Granger in front of his desk, leaning towards him some to get a better look at his face.

"Fine, not that its any of your business." he stated clearly, not liking that someone caught him in a weak position. She flinched and he saw a twinge of hurt in her face. It was quiet for a moment before he spoke up. "What are you even doing here, don't you have another class to be a know-it-all in?" he asked, with as much venom in his voice as before. Though he did regret it as he thought he saw her eyes getting watery.

Hermione cleared her throat before she said, "My potion." and held up a vial of the potion that he didn't expect anyone to finish.

"You finished?" he wondered aloud, not thinking about how shes perfect in every subject. His eyes wandered back to the desk at that mental statement. _Not perfect, _he thought quickly, mentally correcting himself, _just what every student was supposed to have accomplished, just because she is the only one that did it right doesn't make her perfect._

The corners of her mouth pulled up a little in a smirk, and she nodded. Severus glanced upwards again to grab the potion vial from her, when he noticed her glare again, with that same look in her eye as before. He went to snatch the vial from her hand looking angry at the fact that he didn't know what she was looking at. He grabbed at the vial, but only heard the glass break, and the slight fizzing of the potion on his desk.

"My potion!" Hermione exclaimed, looking down at the mess on her professor's desk.

Severus scoffed, "Just go get me another sample, Granger, you know where the vial cabinet is."

"But, Professor Snape, I had already cleaned off my table before I came up here! Theres none left! Please, let me make it up!" She squealed. He rolled his eyes at her, and the look of panic that was spread upon her young face. But he did feel sympathy for her, and he felt a little bit of guilt, for some reason, for making her feel bad earlier, then making her lose her potion when he was glaring at her face and not the hand her potion vial was in.

"Very well," he sighed, "you are to be here no later than fifteen minutes after dinner until you complete the potion. Since the potion takes one full week, you will have tomorrow's class and tomorrow evening. I also expect you to be here weekend evenings. If you want a proper grade that is." He might as well make it to his advantage. He had nowhere else to go after dinner. If he had nowhere to go, he would only be getting drunk every evening.

"Yes! I will do anything. Thank you, Professor!" Granger squeaked as she grabbed her bag and walked quickly from the room. At least she was intelligent, and wouldn't be responsible for any exploding cauldrons. Maybe she wouldn't be so bad to have around.

**A/N**

**So there wasn't a whole lot of Severus/Hermione action in this. I know. But as promised before, this isn't going to revolve around their relationship, only a few chapters will. **

**I already have the next chapter written. **

**Reviews leads to chapter posting. :3**

**Constructive criticism is welcomed.**

**Love to you all,**

**  
Savy.**


	3. A Choice

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

**Author:**** savannahsaysfxck **

**Character Pairings:**** Severus Snape/ Lily Evans-Potter**

**Disclaimer:**** The author of the Harry Potter series is JK Rowling. Though I dream of being this wonderful women, I'm not. Though this fan fiction I can claim as mine. But all the characters do go to Ms. Rowling. **

**Summary:**

**Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R&R**

* * *

**A/N**

**I sorta expect this chapter to be short. I've already had it written, but I needed to edit and what not and I have very little time on my hands. I still have to design my shirt for tomorrow night (Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer release party), I have the design I want I just need to piece it together. If anyone knows where I can get a free Baseball font and a free font like the one on the cover of Twilight (I think its called Zephyr) can you let me know?**

**This skips ahead a little do to my lack of wanting to go on about little details that are unimportant. If you haven't noticed I'm in a hurry to get this up. School starts back in two weeks and I'm taking time off of writing my novel to get this up, and for a couple of days I'll be busy reading Breaking Dawn.**

**So here we are!**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

* * *

It was Saturday evening, and Severus Snape had just returned to his potions lab for the second night in a row to observe Granger remaking her Boil Cure potion after dinner. He was pondering when the next Death Eater meeting would take place when her voice broke him from his thoughts.

"Professor?" he looked up and she was staring down curiously at her potion. As easy as it was, she always asked a million questions to make sure it was perfect. Severus glided to the front lab table where she was set up, and looked at her questioningly.

"Is it supposed to turn this color? The purple wasn't so bold the last time I brewed it." she said, stirring her potion counterclockwise three times as the book instructed. He walked behind the girl and towered over her left shoulder to get a good view of the potion, that was ready to sit until the next night.

"Mrs. Granger, surely you would know that the bolder the color purple in a Boil Cure potion, the more potent it is. In other words, you've brewed the potion exactly as the text book intended. Did you perhaps forget that you've never, in my class, brewed a potion wrong?" he asked sarcastically, as he cocked his head towards her, and realized how close his face was to hers, as she turned to face him. Hermione, however, did not take this comment as a sarcastic one, but a complimentary one. She had a smirk on her face when she turned towards him, their noses almost touching. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned in quickly and touched her lips to those of her professor's.

Severus's breath caught in his throat, and he heard Lily invade his thoughts again.

"_But you have a choice."_

"_There is someone else out there, someone that has shown interest, someone you're interested in, and the only thing holding you back from them is my memory."_

For the first time in nearly sixteen years, he erased Lily Evans-Potter from his mind, and just as Hermione's lips stood still on his lips that hadn't moved, he pushed against hers slightly. He put his hands on her hips and turned her toward him, and her arms wrapped around his neck. This embrace seemed comforting for him, he hasn't been able to have this, ever. He had a few meaningless relationships in the time between Lily's death and Harry coming to school, but since then hes been frozen completely.

He pulled back a few inches to look at her, and she opened her eyes softly, and looked at him sheepishly, as if expecting a scolding.

"We can't do --," he started.

"No!" she interrupted him. He touched his lips to hers softly once more to calm her down.

"I was going to say, we can't do this here. Its too dangerous." he explained, after a few seconds she nodded her head in agreement.

"Can you sneak away from dinner without being noticed?" he wasn't expecting her to say yes, between Potter and Weasley she never got a moments peace outside the classroom.

"Yes, I can. I've been eating alone lately anyway." she explained to him.

"Very well. Meet me at my personal quarters at dinner tomorrow night. For now, put your potion away and you can finish it after you finish dinner tomorrow night." she looked at him a little confused.

"After I finish dinner? But I thought I was skipping dinner."

"You didn't really think I would leave you unfed, did you? Maybe I should have explained better. Meet me at my personal quarters instead of the Great Hall tomorrow night for dinner." she nodded in understanding. He wanted to have dinner with her? Her lips curled up in a smile as he walked back to his desk and she cleaned off her table.

As she reached the door he spoke just loudly enough for her to hear, "Don't expect me to treat you any differently in class."

"I didn't expect you to." she smiled at him as she left.

Severus returned to his quarters that night feeling a little more whole, a little less in pain. Though he still had to take a shot or two of fire whiskey to keep the beautiful auburn haired women from his mind, it wasn't as bad as the last night he returned from the Mirror of Erised.

The next day went as usual. His hang over was very minimum the next day, do to the small amount of liquor he consumed, but his head pounded all the way from his bedroom to the back of the liquor cabinet when he grabbed a newer vial of the potion to cure hang overs. The rest of the day was spent grading first years' papers on burn-healing paste.

Early that evening he began preparing a simple spaghetti dinner for himself and Hermione. He had no clue where tonight was going to lead, and he couldn't help but feel irresponsible for going any further than a professional relationship with a student.

Hermione had no clue what to expect when she walked swiftly down to the Slytherin dungeons while the rest of the school, or so she hoped, was at dinner in the Great Hall.

She knocked quickly, but quietly, at the door leading to Professor Snape's personal quarters, and when the door opened, her breath caught in her throat. To say the least, this is _not _what she was expecting.

* * *

**A/N**

**Okay, so a little bit of a cliffy. I know, I know. And I'm sorry about how the relationship with Severus and Hermione is going, but remember, thats not what the story is about. So what could this crazy lady be getting to, writing about a student/teacher relationship gone advanced but the story not being about that at all? Guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter to figure that out. :) **

**Hint- The next chapter **_**should **_**be the last chapter with Hermione. **

_**SHE GETS KILLED OFF?!**_

**No! Nothing like that. But I promise, it won't be disappointing. **

**Sadly, I've written two chapters already, this being my third, and I only have one review. :(**

**I hate to be like this, but I'm going to put a hold on posting chapters until I get a few more reviews. I want to know that people are reading these, and enjoying them. That gives me a reason to write. Whats the point of posting when no one reads it and likes it? So R&R. :3**

**Love to you all,**

**Savy.**


	4. Dinner Dates and Photo Albums

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

**Author: savannahsaysfxck **

**Character Pairings: Severus Snape/ Lily Evans-Potter**

**Disclaimer: The author of the Harry Potter series is JK Rowling. Though I dream of being this wonderful women, I'm not. Though this fan fiction I can claim as mine. But all the characters do go to Ms. Rowling. **

**Summary:**

**Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R&R**

* * *

**A/N**

* * *

**Okay, so its been a few days. Well, the Breaking Dawn release was so totally awesome. I won the contest for the Bella costume contest (yay me!), and the book was so amazing! I finished it Sunday, but I've been busy around the house since then.**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

* * *

_Flash Back_

* * *

She knocked quickly, but quietly, at the door leading to Professor Snape's personal quarters, and when the door opened, her breath caught in her throat. To say the least, this is _not _what she was expecting.

* * *

Hermione was greeted by Severus, who let her in quickly before anyone might walk by. His personal quarters was nothing like the green and silver she expected. It was actually very plain, like no one even lived here. Very catalog; appropriate furnishings, nothing personal whatsoever other than a small desk on the side of the living room with papers littering the top, and a three shelf bookshelf with what appeared to be potion's books. There was a tan vinyl couch and matching recliner chair with a small coffee table to the left, to the far right of the room there was a small dining room with two plates on the oak table, to the far left along the hallway she could slightly see a small kitchenette, and two other doors which she assumed lead to a bedroom and bathroom.

Severus watched her make an assessment of his living quarters, she seemed more at ease when she realized it wasn't a replica of his potion's classroom.

As if he could hear her thoughts, he asked, "Not what you were expecting, was it?"

She turned to look at him quickly with a look of shock on her face, "Not at all what I was expecting."

They stood for a few seconds in awkward silence before he lead her to the dining area, and pulled out a chair for her. He smirked to himself when she looked at him oddly. Though he was a cold man in class, hes still a gentleman.

"I'll make your plate, we're having spaghetti this evening, would you like something to drink?"

She smiled at him softly and replied, "Just a water, thanks."

He brought her back a medium sized helping of the pasta and an ice water. They were half way through dinner when he finally realized what he had gotten himself into.

_Shes a student, Severus! Though Lily told you to move on I hardly think she meant with someone half your age and in your classes! Great, now that shes here if you make things awkward and she might end up blabbing to someone. You better say something, and quick, shes looking flushed._

He was thinking back quickly to the last time they had spoken in class, and he recalled how she told him she had been eating alone lately.

"So," he started, and she looked up nervously, and wiped a little of the sauce from the corner of her mouth and took a quick sip of water, "I recall you mentioning earlier something about eating alone lately. Aren't you still friends with Potter and Weasley?" Hermione cast a look down at her unfinished plate and started to wonder the exact things that Severus had been wondering before he brought up the conversation. _What was I thinking?! _

Severus realized he hit a sore spot and swirled another bite of noodles around his fork, when she finally spoke.

"Yes, there has been an issue lately. We haven't been on the greatest of terms this week."

"Care to explain?"

"Well, Ron has been ignoring me for the past few days, and every time I come around to find him or something he has been with Lavender Brown. He makes some stupid comment to her real quick, like 'Hope you get that charm right, later!', and would flush and bring up something random. He thinks I can't see through his act. I know very well Lavender isn't the brightest of girls, but shes better than Ronald by a long shot. I caught them snogging in Hogsmeade last weekend, and he tried to cover it up by saying she tripped and fell on him, even though they were sitting down. I tried to talk to him about it Tuesday, but he told me to shove off that I didn't know anything. To make matters worse, Harry sided with him, saying I shouldn't be getting into it when Ron is the one lying to me about things I stumble upon. Its not my fault I wanted to know why my friend was obviously lying to me and I wanted to find out why!" Her voice broke at the end and tears started streaming down her face and falling into her hands. Severus felt sorry for her, he knew that she was above them. She would've done better in Slytherin with her knowledge. It seems that she hasn't spoke of it to anyone except him, and these have been bottled up emotions. He knew it was bad to bottle them, and he himself had let go of those bottled emotions when he started going to the Mirror of Erised, but he only could because he was with Lily in a way, and its someone he felt comfortable with.

_Why me? Why is it me that you're finding comfort in and you barely know me?_

He felt the need to comfort her, for if he didn't, she would feel even worse about this break down in front of him.

Severus rose from his chair and strode to the other side of the table, and hesitantly put a hand on her back. He wasn't used to comforting anyone, he was usually the reason the students were upset in the first place. He stroked her back a few times, then grabbed her hand to pull her up, and sat her on the vinyl couch next to him. Hermione curled into a ball, and laid her head on his shoulder. Though he would never admit it, he kind of liked being on the other end, comforting instead of hurting someone, but he did feel bad about her being upset.

He pushed her hair out of her face and she looked up at him for a moment, then dropped her head back into her hands, "I'm so sorry, Professor. I'm sorry for kissing you in the lab, then coming here just to be an emotional mess because of one simple question you asked." She apologized between sobs.

"A few things, Ms. Granger. First, I understand you being upset, and I apologize for triggering this due to the question. Those boys are complete imbeciles, and I have no idea why you stay around them anyway if they do not treat you properly. Secondly, I believe I kissed you back in the lab. No need to be sorry unless you truly regret it for your sake. If you do, it would be best if you tell me now." he gave her a second, but she only shook her head, to say she didn't regret it. "Thirdly," he began again, "call me Severus." he said as he leaned forward to kiss the girl. Hermione kissed him back eagerly, and wrapped her arms around his neck as she had done in the lab earlier. Severus wiped the tears from her face softly and wrapped an arm around the bottom of her waist. She twisted her hand into his dark hair and pulled him closer, begging for more. She got her wish as he lowered her backwards to lay on the couch. They never got past heavy kissing, but they didn't get off the couch for an hour. She reluctantly had to get back to her dorm for sleep. She had his potions class early in the morning, and even though she wouldn't particularly mind being late just to get a detention with him, she _was _Hermione Granger, after all. And detentions are not acceptable under any circumstances.

Severus had to admit, having Hermione around made things easier for him. It didn't take the pain away, but it dulled it down to a throbbing that he felt pulling at his heart, instead of a fiery pain with no mercy that coursed through his every vain. Also, due to the excitement of the secret, it gave him something to think about other than the auburn haired angel who danced through his subconscious.

The next morning during class he tried his best not to look at her, but he always ended up stealing glances, and was pleased to find she was doing the same with him.

Hermione glanced up again to find him, arms crossed in his robes, walking down aisles, glancing at everyone's potion. She had sat in the back so she could watch him without anyone else noticing her. When he got to hers, he pressed a hand down on the side of the table between her and her cauldron, and spoke quietly, "Perfect potion again, Granger." She flushed, and saw him giving her a quick smirk before returning to his desk. She watched him until he got back to his desk, then looked down where his hand had been to find a torn piece of parchment, that said in very elegant writing,

_Tonight._

_Same time, same place._

_S._

She let her hair cover her face so she could hide the smile spread upon her face. She glanced up again to see him looking back at her, after making sure no one else was looking, she nodded and winked at him.

This went on like routine for two weeks, the two of them meeting in secret for dinner. Her occasionally staying a minute after class to steal a quick kiss from him.

One afternoon right after classes, Severus had to begin planning for the next month's worth of classes. Even though he knew every potion taught at Hogwarts by heart, he still wanted to double check, just to be sure he was getting everything right. He walked a few steps from his desk to his bookshelf, to retrieve the potion book that held the majority of the potions he taught. When he pulled the book out, another fell out from behind it.

_What the bloody hell?_

The book didn't look familiar in the slightest, but it said his name at the bottom right hand corner.

_Severus Tobias Snape _

He quickly flipped open the leather cover, and saw many faces of his auburn angel of his, lately subconscious smiling at him. Some muggle ones from their early days of friendship, and some stretching out to his sixth year before they got into the fight. Pictures of her arm around him, kissing his cheek in a friendly way. Friendly to her at least, he always thought of them as something more. Not that he ever let her know, though. There were even a few pictures of her from their last year, taken when she wasn't looking, a few with Alice Longbottom in the picture with her.

This did it. He left the book on the floor and grabbed the fire whiskey from the cabinet along with a shot glass and flung himself onto the couch. How many shots would it take for her to disappear this time?

_One shot._

Nothing.

_Two shots._

Nothing.

_Three shots._

Nothing.

Severus was pouring his fourth shot when Hermione slipped through the door.

"Severus, we need to talk." She spoke carefully, not looking up at him. When he didn't say anything, and she heard an empty glass clink to the table, she looked up quickly. He was shocked to see her, but it didn't show. He had completely forgotten about their dinner dates together. Without bothering to say a word, he started pouring another shot. She reached out and grabbed it from him before he could pick it up though. She walked to the dining room and set it on the table, then swiftly walked back and sat on the table in front of him.

"Severus, whats wrong? What happened?" She asked quickly, worried about him.

"You wouldn't understand it. What do we need to talk about?" he spoke, voice shaking, trying not to cry in front of her.

"That can wait. Tell me what happened, now, before I find a vial of Veritaserum from your personal potion cabinet and pour it down your throat." She threatened.

Severus took a long moment, and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he could trust her, if she were to tell anyone either they wouldn't believe her, and even if she did tell someone, that would risk their secret being revealed. Shes too smart for that. He stood quickly and walked to his bookshelf, where on the floor next to it, laid the leather bound book with his name etched into the front.

"How much do you know of Potter's mother?" He asked, walking back to the couch and sat infront of her.

"Not much. Her name was Lily, and she protected Harry with her love when Voldemort came to kill him and his family, and she died saving him." Hermione noticed the wince on his face when she spoke the last part. "Why? Did you know her well?"

Severus handed her the book. She looked up at him strangely, then opened the cover, and her eyes went wide, realizing that not only did he know her well, but they were best friends. He told her the complete story of what happened, of how they fell apart in their sixth year due to Harry's father's teasing and how he had lost his temper and took it out on Lily. He told her of how he was a Death Eater, but he was a spy for Dumbledore, and how above anything, he had always been in love with Lily. He then told her of how he would go to the Mirror of Erised every evening up until the night before they began their relationship and the worlds Lily's image had spoken, how broken he was, and how he was sorry that he used her to fall back on, so he could try to push Lily out of his mind. But she stopped him there, tears in her eyes from his story.

"Well, that kind of leads me to what I was going to tell you tonight, why we needed to talk." He wiped the tears from her face again, and she smiled gently before explaining.

"The reason why I was so upset when I spoke of Ron lying to me about Lavender, is because I'm in love with Ron. And I know he loves me, but he got scared and ran off to the easiest girl he could find, because he is too scared to admit that he loves me too. I finally got around to him the other night to talk to me, and he wants to be with me now. I wanted to tell you before I went back to him though. I'm sorry I fell back on you, too. But for some reason, I just felt pulled to you. You're the only friend I have that I can have an intelligent conversation with. As you can imagine, I don't get too many of those with the boys. I really want us to stay friends."

He told her it was okay, that they both needed each other for the same thing, and that they could remain friends, but it would still be best if no one knew about it. She understood of course. Hermione decided she was curious about Lily, and started asking Severus about her more. Getting to know her through his eyes. They only paused the conversation when they smelled something burning, and he remembered before he found the photo album, he had put two chicken breasts in the oven, so he had to be rid of those before the kitchen was set aflame.

Hermione then decided she wanted to know more about Harry's father's teasing, and how exactly it split them up. Severus decided he trusted Hermione enough now to go into his mind, to see for herself.

She was crying again by the time it had finished. Severus was also trying to calm himself, his eyes misty, but he refused to cry.

"She loved you, you know." Hermione said while trying to calm herself down.

"No, I was the best friend. There was nothing more to it...for her."

"Ron was my best friend. We have fights, but we get past them. If you guys could have gotten past that one, I'm sure you would be together right now! I saw the look in her eyes when she defended you. She could've killed him if you didn't distract her."

Severus smiled to himself a little at the thought of being here with Lily now, but his smile faded quickly when he remembered she can't be here, ever again.

"But we never did get past it. Shes gone forever." He let a single tear roll down his face before Hermione wiped it away and kissed the cheek that it was wiped from.

"Maybe you didn't get past it...But what if it never happened?" She asked with a smile on her face.

**A/N**

**Okay, so there we go. Hermione and Severus aren't romantic anymore! Yayyy! This chapter got a little long because I wanted the relationship to end as quickly as possible. Plus, I hadn't updated in a few days, and I missed playing with some of my favorite characters. :D**

**For those of you that commented last time, thank you very much. I really appreciate it. You get a cookie! :3**

**For the readers that read but didn't review, you get coal in your stockings for Christmas this year! Mwahahahah! Okay, no you don't. But I still have some cookies left over for those who review this time! **

**:D**

**Constructive criticism is always more than welcomed. **

**Love to you all,**

**Savy. **


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